Happy

I've been meaning to update this blog and communicate through poetry how my favorite person is keeping me happy but over analyzing of how I'd make it aesthetically palatable has gotten the best of me over the course of the first quarter of the year.

What encouraged me now is the very reason why I created this blog - a time capsule for myself. I would want to document even through a mundane thing such as a blog post about my affective side. I'd leave the cognitive side to my resume.

Five months in to the relationship and I've never felt so thankful, so lucky to have met a patient, intelligent, and sensitive man. Suddenly days are more tolerable, my fears are less scarier to face, the future sounds more exciting and I'm a lot more content than ever. 

My anxiety still looms over me at times but I try my best to pacify it. I have gotten more secure knowing my favorite person is holding my hand every step of the way.

Okay

Slept 'til twelve in the afternoon today
No-show at work for three days this week
But I'm okay

Smile with classmates and colleagues
Sniff by myself when I reminisce
I'm okay

Let's leave it at that
Letting go of our future and of the past

We'll be okay
It was an unsolvable problem anyway

Solace in Coldplay and Dido

Everything you do, they were all yellow
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

For you I'll bleed myself dry
I won't put my hands up and surrender
I'm in love and always will be

All the things you do
All that was there will be there still
I'm in love and always will be

In a Limbo

I'm losing passion talking to you."

"Ouch", was all I could utter.

Is it falling apart? I wondered.

"I want to be honest so we can find a solution."

"Do I bore you?" I asked and fell silent.

"Yes", he answered. It left me flabbergasted.

"I just need space to sort out my issues."

He assured me that he is monogamous.

Even reminded me he was ever-amorous.

"It's never your fault, you are perfect."

A sentence meant to comfort.

It was in vain, it did nothing of the sort.

A nightmare that hasn't ended.

Numbing myself to play pretend.

Unbound

chained under water, gasping for air
you adjust to the cold even if it's unfair

in the vastness of the sea, i found you
you looked at me and i forgot all blues

I haven't got a saw, I can't find the key
breathe through my mouth, don't give up on me

this struggle is beyond me, you tell me to pray
in the darkness of the deep, opportunities lay

your heartbeat is majestic to my ears
can we be together amidst our fears

creatures swimming around think we'll drown
yet we're sustained with a love that knows no bounds

An Ode to Him

Do you know how you make me feel?

Double sixty beats per minute - so much zeal.

Do you know when we talk,

a beautiful chaos builds in my mind - utter bliss

When we see each other once or twice a week,

I see my future and giggle for when we kiss.

And when you call me baby, darling, or love,

you are the chocolate I want an unlimited serving of.

I want to love you until the sun explodes in five billion years -

no other force can stop me, hoping to age with you, my dear.

Prognosis for Peaceful Meals

My sister can be described as an equal rights advocate - her ideals fashioned after her education in the country's top state university. A liberal college hippie so to speak. My dad on the other hand portrays the role of right-wing extremist Bill O'Reilly - ideals wrought by his conservative interpretation of the Bible compounded by extensive historical and political reading, away from society sparked by his poor social skills at large.

Weekly lunch dates can be a drudgery with the two heavily consumed in antagonistic political commentary seemingly interminable  and I play the role of an automaton bobbing my head in a fast motion at my desire to speed up the speeches respectively, and to, despite my love for Article III Section 4 of the Philippine constitution, direly enjoy my meal and get by another lunch date in one piece if not in peace in spite of my dysfunctional family.

Sometimes crying abounds after an arbitrary exchange of words delivered in raised voices and irate facial expressions. My prognosis? Eat humble pie to pour oil on troubled waters because being family is being stuck with each other until the day you rest on your deathbed.

Climbing in the Philippines

An IMC Project: Mt. Pulag - Valentines Day, 2014

It's an amazing process of self-discovery to hike in a country that offers various mountainous regions and each mountain promising a unique adventure.

Up to now, climbing has been a great way to push myself  harder and to  knockout negative notions I have about myself. It has been a reason to bond with friends, meet new ones and learn from the group dynamics. It's a great way to go back to basics and appreciate nature firsthand to be able to effectively and proactively preserve it. Peace is radiated through me when I climb encouraging me to do it over and over again.

In climbing, every moment is cherished and every lesson is treasured.

True to the poster I made for my Graduate program course on Integrated Marketing Communications, I have climbed ten mountains in a span of twelve months between 2013 to 2014. Here are some of the recorded memories from those climbs.

1. Mt. Tagapo - 438 masl

    Talim Island, Laguna de Bay

First time hikers: Nina, Lets and Myself 

First time campers: Maan, Nina and Myself

2. Mt. Sembrano - 745 masl
    Pililia, Rizal

The tree pose that started it all 

3. Mt. Pico de Loro - 664 masl
    Maragondon, Cavite + Nasugbu, Batangas

The climb that sparked valuable friendships

4. Hike for Maan to get inked by Mambabatok - Wang-Od
    Buscalan, Kalinga

Badass = Maan

Original cast of Tuna and Friends 

5. Mt. Maculot - 930 masl

    Cuenca, Batangas

Jessie!

A writer, A scientist, A banker, 2 future doctors and 2 engineers

6. Mt. Batulao - 811 masl

    Nasugbu, Batangas

with 3 Food Technology practitioners

Maan got swag

7. Mt. Tarak -  1,130 masl

    Mariveles, Bataan

Pre-Pulag Climb

"explorer"

TNF official photographer: Hanna Banana

8. Mt. Pulag - 2,922 masl

    Bokod, Benguet

Sunrise by the Sea of Clouds

Seeing the Cloud of Sea

-10◦C temperature

9. Pico de Loro Take Two

This is what happens when Prof. Joey is late

Couple rash guard

Jessie and Hanna

The challenging monolith

10. Mt. Makiling Traverse - 1,090 masl

      Sto. Tomas, Batangas and Los Banos, Laguna  

Fear of limatik wiped away at the click of the camera

Cover photo-worthy

Fearless Jess

Dawning Realism

FADE IN:

EXT. THE NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

Paul and Inns are walking at the busiest street to get Japanese food
after having Korean ice-cream.

                                  Inns

            That was once a meat shop
            then it became an eatery. 

            Now it's trying to be something.

                                Paul

            Trying to be something. If my life had
            a title, that would be it. First the laundromat,
            now this. Are we moving in together?

                                Inns

            Don't flatter yourself.

                                Paul

            Are you cheesy? Here's a bougainvilla
            flower.

                                Inns

            Put it away.

EXT. A COMMERCIAL ESTABLISHMENT - MIDNIGHT

Khan and Inns en route home after a spending the entire day with friends.

                                Khan

             Bouquet of flowers. Are you
             the cheesy type?

                                Inns

             I'd rather receive a letter. It lasts longer.

             Can we be swift? I may have a tazer but
             it's still a dangerous place.

                                Khan 

             Actually, there's a reason why I brought you
             to this dark, abandoned area.

                                Inns

             Crazy.

INT. A BOOKSTORE - EVENING

Lee and Inns meet upon braving the wrath of rush hour traffic.

                   
                                Inns
             Not all the time, crazy.

                                Lee
             It's true. The way to find out if
             he's a keeper is if he treats you like
             a princess even after sleeping with you.

                                Inns
             Okay, noted.

                                Lee

             Do drugs. Sleep around. Have a crisis
             of faith. Do a 180, get therapy and then meet
             a decent guy at one of the therapy sessions.

                              Inns
             I've just had my birthday.                               

                              Lee

             Oh wow, happy 48th! You should treat me then.

                              Inns

             Shut up. You treat me.

                              Lee

             Okay. Coffee?

INT - THE OFFICE - AFTERNOON

The temperature's chilly at Inn's office. Ping goes her social media messenger notification.

  

                                 Jay

               Busy? Coffee? 

                                 Inns

              Just because a girl is nice sometimes,
              Does not mean that's she's interested.
              It can also mean, a. she's being polite.
              b. she's feeling sorry for you.

                                 Jay

              You're always mad. Chill. I'm just being
              nice, and you're just being polite.
              So, coffee?

                                 Inns

              I'm busy. Sorry.


EXT. - THE NEIGHBORHOOD  - DAWN

Inns is stationary jogging waiting for her jogging partner.

                                 Lucs
               You know, I thought you were
               going to be busy yet hoped against it.

                                 Inns
               Not for you. Let's run.

                                                                                                           FADE OUT

                                THE END
                                                             

Stress Alleviation

Stresses in life can easily be outmaneuvered by cutting connections with the root of the stress. Shutting out the wrong people. But how do you identify who's unhealthy for you?

If you knew me back in high school, I'd had an infamous image of being mataray. I didn't see the point of befriending classmates who had a reputation for cheating, skipping class, drinking and engaging in intercourse at such a young age. I did not see the point of callously entertaining just about any male who thinks I'm 'smart' or 'girlfriend material'. I just never saw the point.

Just as a politician is with taking an unpopular stand on a controversial issue, I took in negative feedback and I had my fair share of classroom taunting. I did cry. I did think about switching schools at a point but I refocused my lenses on them - their idea of fun and friendship as hedonistic and them reaping zero harvests at zero investment after and I felt sorry. Today, we are civil toward each other and although they've become mothers and fathers in their teenage years and have not gotten diplomas and degrees, they do seem happy.

Fast forward to the workplace and who knew that my work would not be spared of abundant, immature, and inarticulate males. If they think that the technique to getting a girl's attention is to tease her day in and day out, they are in over their heads. So I changed tact and chose to ignore unless the dialogue presupposes business then yes I'm up for it otherwise, a simple morning greet would elicit a cold three-second stare.

It's tricky at first because no one wants to be perceived as arrogant but the benefits of not having to be on guard at an intellectual and emotional provocation is like the feeling I get after working out. It feels hella good.

If I don't learn anything from a person, when I'm not challenged to think, If I feel less about humanity let alone myself when I'm around someone, then it becomes pointless and I cut all communication to alleviate stress.